Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A Response

A Response

“We are here to preserve democracy, not practice it”

"Crimson Tide", Gene Hackman (CO SSBN Alabama) to his XO, Denzel Washington

Amos bro posted a little quote from this week’s Monday mega movie. I’m not exactly sure of the context where and when this statement is actually used because I did not watch it, but there seems to be a subtle fault here.

Well, of course, to preserve something is one thing while practicing it is another. This much is pretty obvious when the words are used separately in different contexts.

However, I think the words ‘preserve’ and ‘practice’ have quite a special and complementary linkage when used in conjunction.

Technically, the word ‘preserve’ is a (simple) transitive verb. To ‘preserve’ something, whether it is an abstract political ideology such as Democracy or a tangible object such as a human foetus, implicitly implies that ‘something’ must be present to be ‘preserved’. Therefore, the almighty CO of SSBN Alabama’s preclusion is that there is Democracy to begin with.

But let’s face it. Democracy is not bestowed to us poor humans by heavens. It is a concept. It is a construct of the human mind. It is a political cause. It functions and serves as an end. It is an ideology which takes legislative regulations (paradoxical as it may sound), efforts of a nation’s individuals and maybe even wars to take shape.

Here is where the ‘practice’ part comes in. ‘Practice’ gives Democracy form. If to say a function (amongst many others) of Democracy is to give individuals the freedom and liberalism to choose their leaders by voting (as opposed to a dictatorial regime); then perhaps it is the holding of elections, it is the act of citizens going to the voting booths, it is the putting into power of the victorious leaders and the various other ‘practices’……that actually gives form to ‘Democracy’.

Now, this really sets me thinking. Can Democracy be preserved without practising it? In my humble opinion, no.

‘Democracy’ is an end, and there is no way to achieve it without means of practising it. Without practising it, ‘Democracy’ (as intangible as it already is), will no longer have form. Gene Hackman, in using the word ‘preserve’, claims that there is Democracy, but this very ‘Democracy’ he so refers to will cease to exist if it is not practised. I know the logic of this sounds rather circular (I was confused myself), but how can he preserve something that is not even there in the first place?!?

Let’s work it out.
1) Hackman is here to preserve Democracy.
2) Hackman implicitly claims there exists Democracy when he says he wants to preserve it
3) Hackman does not want to practice it.
4) Something must exist for it to be ‘preserved’
5) Democracy as an ideology is an end without form in itself.
6) ‘Practice’ is the means to Democracy as an end.
7) From (5) and (6), The existence of Democracy is through ‘practice’. I.e. Democracy does not exist unless put into ‘practice’.
8) From (3) and (7), Hackman preserves ‘nothing’
9) From (4) and (8), CONTRADICTION!
10) From (2) and (3), CONTRADICTION!


I must admit that Hackman (and a whole bunch of many manipulative people) has a very clever choice of words. (I’ve seen a girl who spoke in the same manner) Personally, I think his statement is erroneous even though I might not have convinced anyone else.

I’m just glad I’m not his XO…I’m sure he would have put a bullet into my head for mutiny and defiance.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I believe in miracles...

“Something stirs from the barren wastelands of my heart. It must be a miracle because for miles, the wastelands stretch ahead. Further than the sands of deserts blow. Further than the waters of oceans flow. My heart simply reaches out to a vast emptiness, ad infinitum.

It must be a miracle. Finally, there is a sign of movement. A sign of life. Slowly, it clambers out of the ground from its long slumber, ready to face its desolate surroundings. Then, with an abrupt leap and wings well-spread, it soars to the skies. Like a butterfly fluttering in the air. Like a sparrow drifting in the winds. Like a gryphon riding in the clouds.

It is peace. It is freedOm. It is love.”


The boy carelessly flung his pen across the table and closed his diary. The gentle whisper of the raindrops beating softly against the windows was making him dreamy. For a minute, he had almost believed in miracles. Feeling rather disgusted that he had almost made a big mistake he had so often warned himself of, he was compelled to write something more attuned to his temperament. He opened his diary and continued with another entry.


“The heart is but a muscle which acts like a pump, dispersing and regulating blood to the rest of the body. The moment it starts beating, it is destined to stop. Nothing lasts forever, and November Rain by Guns n Roses is one hell of a bloody nice song although I never knew hearts could change. What? Did they turn into kidneys instead? And for goodness sake, the heart is but the size of a clenched fist…it can never accommodate endless deserts and oceans.

The butterfly is a flying insect not always as magnificently colourful as many people think it is. The sparrow is a diminutive bird that gets swept away by gales and strong winds. And gryphons only belong to mythologies and fantasy novels. I ought to leave them there, where they belong.

Peace, freedOm and love are merely abstract and intangible entities which humans give a name to.”


For a second time, the boy closed his diary. The rainy weather was making his bed seem cosier than ever. He wanted very much to go to sleep, because it brought hopes of dreams…where miracles do happen.

The boy truly believed in miracles. Truly, he did.

Bits and Pieces I


Bits and Pieces I

Strike a Pose!

The boy rested his head heavily on the raised table, quite unable to move although his vision was spinning. It was the ‘favourite pose’ as the boy and his brother liked to call it. Favourite is more than apt because they have adopted this stance collectively more often then they had sex. Pose? The word only makes the whole issue sound more dignified.

He had a lot of feelings, but the only feeling he had right then was to puke. And puke he did. Twice, in fact. Too drunk to clamber to the washroom, he erupted in merlion fashion, vomiting as if he wanted to fill the whole bar with his partially digested dinner. He almost thought he saw a strand of noodles. He probably was as disgusted as you are now, because/and most of the time he made it home before puking. It was a very private matter, almost akin to having sex. The breathing gets difficult, the face turns flushed, the heart beats faster, saliva flows easily……and very very soon, the whole face contorts as ‘it’ comes with such an overwhelming outburst of passions, normally accompanied with groans and moans. Yes, vomiting is similar to the most sacred act of times---sex. Except nobody really is going to enjoy the former.

The moment you bend over, everybody’ll come and fuck you. The moment you put your head down, you’ll start to wanna puke. These were the only natural laws of the universe which the boy knew very well…as opposed to 道可道, 非常道。名可名, 非常名。 無名, 天地之始。 有名, 萬物之母。Huh?


Enneagram

I was reading about this Enneagram Type Indicator personality test last night. I was reading it from a book but I’m very sure the test itself is available online. At first it really resembled western Astrology combined with Chinese zodiac analysis. After all, the test aims to categorize people into different types, quite similar to how Astrology differentiates people by their planetary and stellar aspects (especially the sun sign) at birth.

The distinct difference with this Enneagram Indicator thingy is that it requires a person to fill up a questionnaire first and total up the results as a computation of the ‘type’. While I am not a very keen believer of these personality tests, I was quite impressed with the results. Spot on descriptions…but of course, I might just be trying to fit myself into the mould of these rather vague statements. Humans are, after all, too quick to classify.

Well, here are some excerpts. You’ll see if they are accurate. My comments in red.

Type: Type 4, The Individualist

General characteristics: Sensitive (only to touch), Withdrawn (more so when drunk), Expressive, Intuitive, Impressionable, Quiet (not always true), Introspective, Passionate (only sexually), Romantic (not really), Elegant, Witty, Imaginative (again, only sexually).

At their worst: Moody (yes), Emotionally Demanding, Self-absorbed (perhaps), Withholding, Temperamental, Dramatic, Pretentious (never), Self-indulgent.

At their best: Creative (haha..still remember what happened to those wedding bears?), Inspired, Honest, Emotionally Strong, Humane (I torture cockroaches), Self-aware, Discreet (not really), Self-renewing.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v730/dominic_994735/Image010.jpg

(The picture which captured my latest creative piece of work...oh those cute wedding bears!)


Details:
--- Type Fours exemplifies the desire to be ourselves, to know the depth of our own hearts.

--- preoccupied with emotional reactions (and physical reactions too), memories (hmmm…I was just blogging about it two posts ago) and fantasies (we all have wet dreams).

--- discovers deep truths about human nature. (Conrad’s Heart of Darkness ranks high on my list of favourite books)

--- profoundly honest with themselves and their own motives (especially evil ones).

--- put words to feelings that others may recognise but could not express as eloquently.

--- involved in artistic pursuits. (Music, poetry, penmanship, writing, cocktails, women)

--- want to distinguish themselves from others. (Yes…)

--- feels alone and misunderstood. (But I don’t really care anymore)

--- want their life to be a work of art despite feeling the loneliness, suffering and self-doubt.

--- engrossed in feelings of loss, sadness and melancholy. (Yes…but only when someone has the capacity for immense loss can he feel satisfaction with equal zest.)

--- create and surround themselves in beauty. (I’m more vain than you think I am)

--- do not want to follow impersonal rules and procedures.

--- acutely aware of what is incomplete and inadequate about the ego-self

Personal Relationships:
--- do not want to spend time with people they perceive as lacking taste or emotional depth. (Bro Kua was the first to say the ‘belittle my status’ shit thingy, not me.)

---enjoy any kind of authentic personal sharing. (Only if you are of the opposite sex)

--- become self-absorbed and uninterested in other’s feelings due to feeling overwhelmed by their own feelings.

--- idealizing potential partners…and feeling disappointed once they get to know them. (Almost every girl I’ve met is a slut)

--- withholding attention and affection to punish the other. (No…)

--- tremendous shifts of feeling from idolization to unbridled hatred. (XX)


Hmmm… really, it made quite a fair assessment. So, if you guys have an hour or so to spare, might wanna do they test and find out more about this Enneagram thingy for yourself. But then again, I know myself better than to have to read it off a book, so if you think along the same lines, then forget it.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Just some updates...

Seeking for where true Love resides,
Some people went far and wide,
While others went where oceans divide,

Sometimes they find it… then it hides,
While other times they lose it… yet again it rides,
For Love knows no rules it abides.

But to whom I may confide:
Leave it for heavens to decide,
And take the answer in your strides!

dOm


Well……I think that’s the end of the neighbourhood love saga. She likes another guy now. Somehow I’m really quite happy for her. At least she now opens her heart towards such affairs of the heart with less reservation. That also means she has gotten over her ex boyfriend. She is young and tender, only 18 years of age. I see no reason why she should be embittered like the way I was (‘was’ is the keyword) with other girls.

Then am I sad? Not really. Yeah, there were good times, and those are more than enough for me. We were never an item in the first place so there really is nothing much for me to get sad about. And besides, it must be God’s will. (GLA style)

So I wish this very wonderful lady all the best.

Yes… so let’s get on with more important updates. Next semester’s modules:

1) Macroeconomic ANALysis II
2) International Economics
3) ASEAN Economics
4) Foundations of Econometrics
5) Great Ideas in Contemporary Physics

Check out (5). What the cock am I doing? Listen bros, one day I will invent the most satisfying ‘self-gratifying’ machine which defies what you think is your personal best climatic experience. All those great ideas I get from this module will come in handy. In the mean time, I’m afraid you guys will just have to have some fun with your girlfriends. But anyway, jokes aside, I’m taking it because it is a requirement and also because I see it as a personal challenge.

And I went to the library today. Here are the titles of some of the books I’ve borrowed.

1) The WisdOm of Lao Zi 道德經 (Translated to English with original Chinese text)
2) Thirty-six Stratagems (Comic Version)
3) Fan Li and Xi Shi (Comic Version)

Yes…I know at age twenty two and a half, I really shouldn’t be reading comics. But Xi Shi is one of the four ancient beauties of China alongside Wang Zhaojun, Diao Chan and Yang Guifei. Of course I wanna know her story and maybe see whom she gave head to first, but I can’t be bothered to read the long version of it. So I opted for the comic version. Maybe with a bit of guesswork I might find out soon enough who that lucky guy was…

As for the Thirty-six Stratagems, I borrowed it because I thought the illustrations were cute. Every guy has an incredible tummy in the comic. No wonder my dearest GuanG bro is so full of cunning!

The only rather serious book that I borrowed was this WisdOm of Lao Zi thingy. Heard so much about it, now its time to read it. But trust me, I doubt I’ll be learning anything about ethics from this book. (Just check out its Chinese title) The closest association I have with the sagely title of ‘Lao’ is when I add it before the expletive ‘CB’ or ‘Chee Ko Peh’.

Well, time to go read my stuff now…do update me too, bros.

Let there be love...

sUmmer heAt

Let there be love.

There are some memories, not quite aplenty but still some, which return to a person at the most untimely of times and with the most painful hurt. These memories are little thorns embedded in the forgotten depths of the heart which surface from time to time, especially when a certain trigger is set off. Least when you expect them to.

These memories may have been cumulated from childhood events. Then, you were too young to understand the reasons for feeling the pain. But the pain was real…so real that somehow your subconscious did not forget it. Now, with the passing of the seasons, and (hopefully) with the mind better acquainted with how emotions work, these memories suddenly reappear.

You think about what happened for a second or two. Though it has been such a long way back, everything remains obscenely clear. Every single detail of events. Every single string of emotions. Every single word and sound. And everything fuses together and it becomes even more crystal clear. So clear that you wished you didn’t have to face the truth of what happened.

In a moment, in that moment of abject clarity… you see what has caused you the hurt. And because now you finally understand it, the pain escalates ten-folds, leaving you gasping for breadth as you succumb to the acute pain in the chest region. It seems as if a curse has been unleashed, and those rather harmless little thorns have undergone metamorphosis to become lethal daggers.

These daggers carve out their names in your heart. Disgust. Shame. Lies. Hatred. Hypocrisy. Injustice. Inequality. Condescendence. Unhappiness. Angst. Neglect. Abuse. Humiliation. All the horrors of the world now reside at the bottom of your heart. All of the horrors.

But…but may you also not forget the almost vanishing strand of self love which every human is imbued with. Let there be love.

I have the courage to face anything.
(except cockroaches)