A Conversation Part I
A Conversation Part I
Boy: You curse my flowing lyric because is not of your envisaged sovereignty. But I am neither saint nor cleric, and my passions are not almighty. I know not what is the mastery of human genius in your sense, and I will never quantify nor qualify as your pride. But my life is not a struggle to conform to the standards you set. These expectations are too dense…too dense. I live each day truthfully integrating into this world as myself. But the stage of my life is set against the backdrop of what you think I am, not what I think I am. I am shrouded by an over-shadowing faux truth. Tell me then, how…how can I grow?
ROTW: You say there are passions which govern your interests and ideals. I know you have an intimate love with words, and for that matter, music. But they say nothing. They are hollow and empty, if not even ambivalent. You question the capacity of expansion under my standards. Fine…but I really would like to know also where and what you would be without them. The fact that you acknowledge the existence of an external world around you should drive home the point that you are but a seedling rooted in this time, in this space. For all that we can feel with intense passions, there is another more pragmatic and rational approach towards living. What is the identity you give yourself without my influence? What truth have you learned?
Boy: Not a word more… you have a circular and manipulating way of speaking. It makes me more confused. You gave me a name, and attached to it is a chain of commands which I more often than not have to obey. You gave me a life, and tagged to it is the bond of a dictatorial kinship. It is all a façade. It makes the road to finding a true identity for myself cloudy. I cannot see the future amidst the present so hazy with your stifling self-centeredness. I cannot learn truth.
ROTW: Ha! Not a word more? In perspective, the preclusion that you understand words does not necessarily give you the freedom to choose what words you receive. You have ears, but other people have mouths to articulate what they like. Like it or not, they have no obligations to say the things which will appease you. You are possibly the most discontented person. Without the education I gave to you, would words have any meaning to you now? Would you comprehend music the same way as you do now? Yet you argue about dictatorship. There is no truth. You contort it to your own advantage and convenience. Well, think again. Who is being manipulative now?
Boy: Look, I understand that there are individuals with innate jealousy, lies, narrow-mindedness, etc, etc. Let them say what they want. It is a negative human nature and I’ve learnt all about it the hard way. The pain from these experiences still linger somewhere in my heart and they remind me not to view this world with absolute perfection. To that, I must add that I’ve not been spared from performing these evils as well. I am, and can be more evil than you think. But I exercise restrain because frankly speaking, it hurts a conscience. But I’m only in my early-twenties; I cannot carry on the better part of my life being overly critical or cynical…This world has many dimensions. If you are at centre-stage, you’ll see the audience. If you are at the backstage, you’ll probably only see the stage. We may all be entrapped in the confines of the auditorium, but we see it in different light. I never meant to manipulate my words to suit my own purposes. I speak what I see, what I feel!
ROTW: Stop calling the world a stage. It isn’t. It is three parts land and seven parts water. To break it down into its simplest form, the world is really made up of different atoms. Oh…but that is Chemistry. Something I doubt you will understand…you never excelled at sciences. And guess what? The current state of the world functions on the various fields you do not excel in. Mathematics measures the world. Physics gives form to mechanical processes. Biology…oh but wait, what do you even know about life sciences? Our society is all geared up towards breakthroughs in these arenas. But you know nothing about engineering, bio-chemistry and so-forth. Ironically, perhaps the greatest insult you give yourself, is that your grades in the subjects you enjoy so much do not seem to match your established liking for them.
Boy: That is an insult you give to me, I never deemed it to be that way! You are getting personal. Your words become biting and venomous. Your words have now become weapons which degenerate the soul. And much as I feel inclined to return the assault, I see it serves no purpose really. Let’s face it. This is an elitist society. A grade, a certificate, a whole generation of the aimless paper chase. This is what the elitist society spells. I’ve made some mistakes…which explains the less than satisfactory grades. But if you can take a step back from the promise of increased material comforts and status from attaining academic achievements first, then perhaps you will not forget that education empowers by instilling knowledge; and the crux of education is learning. As such, I would have played my role as a student if I have learned though I fail every possible examination. My education is personal; it is not based on merits. In view of this, I have learned. You can, of course, question the depth of what I know, but you cannot challenge what it means to me. While the society can channel all their efforts towards greater visions, let us also move towards more mature education. Besides, I only have a limited time as an earthly existence, I cannot possibly learn everything.
ROTW: Arguably, you are very intelligent. But you seem to have used your intellectual prowess in the worst possible manner which makes you the dumbest person. Every time a setback occurs because of your incompetence or lack of effort, you fumble for a way to convince yourself that it was not your fault or you had not really wanted the lost success anyway. I hate to burst your bubble, but you ought to have realised that these are merely excuses to mask the shame you feel. Optimistically, you try to redirect your life after falling but the past haunts you every waking moment. It is blind optimism and it makes me wonder what kind of faith you follow. There is no room for mistakes and some bad moves you make will change your destiny forever. I should also point out that your fate as a low-down will be sealed if you continue to live your life on those warped principles you have.
Boy: You are the harbinger of evil. As much as I try to accept my failings and turn to more meaningful living, you creep upon me with your lustrous sword and stab me. You try to ruin me because my course of actions will bring you the greatest displeasure. Your life does not revolve around genuine concerns for me, but rather, your life revolves around the joys of my achievements and the utter shame of my defeats. But I am not a project you’ve worked on for twenty-two years. I am an individual and I am a thinking individual at that. Why need I conform to the guidelines you set? Why cannot I carve out my own sense of belonging to this world without the constant threat of your unhappiness? I am not trying to be a maverick; I am just trying to be myself.
ROTW: Now you start saying things which hurt too. You know that they hurt, more so when you try to package them with fanciful words and it all stems from your inherent need to shift the focus away from what is essentially important. Do you not crave to drive a posh car, reside in the grandest mansion, drink the finest whiskies and enjoy the company of the most beautiful but materialistic women? Shallow as these may sound, the pleasures of monetary privileges are immense. I have painstakingly tried to help you secure them, albeit by means of forcing you into certain things. But look at you now…you lack the drive and ambition to fulfil such physical comforts. You gave it up; you ruined yourself and now commit yourself to being mediocre. Your friends will mock their association with you if you remain detached about being substandard. If I can be allowed to be vulgar, I’ll say you’ve fucked it all up. What growth and expansion can you be possibly thinking of?
Boy: I have been searching for an inner strength away from external influences for a long time now. I do not compete against anyone except myself. I never gave up anything nor am I attempting to blend into the average. Two people can drive in the family, and between them there are two cars. Yet at any one moment in time, only one car is used by only the same person. Sounds like an Economics question? Let me satisfy your fondness for theory then. This is not Pareto optimal and there is wastage of resources in my opinion. But you do nothing to rectify it. How dare you talk about Mathematical intuitions and materialism when you are the one who rob me of both? It makes me fly into a rage just thinking about it. And my wrath burns all the way to hell, slowly consuming me in the process. I’ve learnt that there can be no utility to be gained from cars when they are surrounded by the sinister underlying notions of unfairness and mistrust. I can have all the riches in the world and beauties to deflower, but I will still be a pauper living in abject poverty if I lose myself trying to achieve them. Yes, I can forgo all these luxuries if that is the price to pay for self-discovery. Moreover, I do not measure the worthiness of my friends with respect to their wealth, and I can only hope they think likewise. Sadly, these are some things you can never come to terms with.
Boy: You curse my flowing lyric because is not of your envisaged sovereignty. But I am neither saint nor cleric, and my passions are not almighty. I know not what is the mastery of human genius in your sense, and I will never quantify nor qualify as your pride. But my life is not a struggle to conform to the standards you set. These expectations are too dense…too dense. I live each day truthfully integrating into this world as myself. But the stage of my life is set against the backdrop of what you think I am, not what I think I am. I am shrouded by an over-shadowing faux truth. Tell me then, how…how can I grow?
ROTW: You say there are passions which govern your interests and ideals. I know you have an intimate love with words, and for that matter, music. But they say nothing. They are hollow and empty, if not even ambivalent. You question the capacity of expansion under my standards. Fine…but I really would like to know also where and what you would be without them. The fact that you acknowledge the existence of an external world around you should drive home the point that you are but a seedling rooted in this time, in this space. For all that we can feel with intense passions, there is another more pragmatic and rational approach towards living. What is the identity you give yourself without my influence? What truth have you learned?
Boy: Not a word more… you have a circular and manipulating way of speaking. It makes me more confused. You gave me a name, and attached to it is a chain of commands which I more often than not have to obey. You gave me a life, and tagged to it is the bond of a dictatorial kinship. It is all a façade. It makes the road to finding a true identity for myself cloudy. I cannot see the future amidst the present so hazy with your stifling self-centeredness. I cannot learn truth.
ROTW: Ha! Not a word more? In perspective, the preclusion that you understand words does not necessarily give you the freedom to choose what words you receive. You have ears, but other people have mouths to articulate what they like. Like it or not, they have no obligations to say the things which will appease you. You are possibly the most discontented person. Without the education I gave to you, would words have any meaning to you now? Would you comprehend music the same way as you do now? Yet you argue about dictatorship. There is no truth. You contort it to your own advantage and convenience. Well, think again. Who is being manipulative now?
Boy: Look, I understand that there are individuals with innate jealousy, lies, narrow-mindedness, etc, etc. Let them say what they want. It is a negative human nature and I’ve learnt all about it the hard way. The pain from these experiences still linger somewhere in my heart and they remind me not to view this world with absolute perfection. To that, I must add that I’ve not been spared from performing these evils as well. I am, and can be more evil than you think. But I exercise restrain because frankly speaking, it hurts a conscience. But I’m only in my early-twenties; I cannot carry on the better part of my life being overly critical or cynical…This world has many dimensions. If you are at centre-stage, you’ll see the audience. If you are at the backstage, you’ll probably only see the stage. We may all be entrapped in the confines of the auditorium, but we see it in different light. I never meant to manipulate my words to suit my own purposes. I speak what I see, what I feel!
ROTW: Stop calling the world a stage. It isn’t. It is three parts land and seven parts water. To break it down into its simplest form, the world is really made up of different atoms. Oh…but that is Chemistry. Something I doubt you will understand…you never excelled at sciences. And guess what? The current state of the world functions on the various fields you do not excel in. Mathematics measures the world. Physics gives form to mechanical processes. Biology…oh but wait, what do you even know about life sciences? Our society is all geared up towards breakthroughs in these arenas. But you know nothing about engineering, bio-chemistry and so-forth. Ironically, perhaps the greatest insult you give yourself, is that your grades in the subjects you enjoy so much do not seem to match your established liking for them.
Boy: That is an insult you give to me, I never deemed it to be that way! You are getting personal. Your words become biting and venomous. Your words have now become weapons which degenerate the soul. And much as I feel inclined to return the assault, I see it serves no purpose really. Let’s face it. This is an elitist society. A grade, a certificate, a whole generation of the aimless paper chase. This is what the elitist society spells. I’ve made some mistakes…which explains the less than satisfactory grades. But if you can take a step back from the promise of increased material comforts and status from attaining academic achievements first, then perhaps you will not forget that education empowers by instilling knowledge; and the crux of education is learning. As such, I would have played my role as a student if I have learned though I fail every possible examination. My education is personal; it is not based on merits. In view of this, I have learned. You can, of course, question the depth of what I know, but you cannot challenge what it means to me. While the society can channel all their efforts towards greater visions, let us also move towards more mature education. Besides, I only have a limited time as an earthly existence, I cannot possibly learn everything.
ROTW: Arguably, you are very intelligent. But you seem to have used your intellectual prowess in the worst possible manner which makes you the dumbest person. Every time a setback occurs because of your incompetence or lack of effort, you fumble for a way to convince yourself that it was not your fault or you had not really wanted the lost success anyway. I hate to burst your bubble, but you ought to have realised that these are merely excuses to mask the shame you feel. Optimistically, you try to redirect your life after falling but the past haunts you every waking moment. It is blind optimism and it makes me wonder what kind of faith you follow. There is no room for mistakes and some bad moves you make will change your destiny forever. I should also point out that your fate as a low-down will be sealed if you continue to live your life on those warped principles you have.
Boy: You are the harbinger of evil. As much as I try to accept my failings and turn to more meaningful living, you creep upon me with your lustrous sword and stab me. You try to ruin me because my course of actions will bring you the greatest displeasure. Your life does not revolve around genuine concerns for me, but rather, your life revolves around the joys of my achievements and the utter shame of my defeats. But I am not a project you’ve worked on for twenty-two years. I am an individual and I am a thinking individual at that. Why need I conform to the guidelines you set? Why cannot I carve out my own sense of belonging to this world without the constant threat of your unhappiness? I am not trying to be a maverick; I am just trying to be myself.
ROTW: Now you start saying things which hurt too. You know that they hurt, more so when you try to package them with fanciful words and it all stems from your inherent need to shift the focus away from what is essentially important. Do you not crave to drive a posh car, reside in the grandest mansion, drink the finest whiskies and enjoy the company of the most beautiful but materialistic women? Shallow as these may sound, the pleasures of monetary privileges are immense. I have painstakingly tried to help you secure them, albeit by means of forcing you into certain things. But look at you now…you lack the drive and ambition to fulfil such physical comforts. You gave it up; you ruined yourself and now commit yourself to being mediocre. Your friends will mock their association with you if you remain detached about being substandard. If I can be allowed to be vulgar, I’ll say you’ve fucked it all up. What growth and expansion can you be possibly thinking of?
Boy: I have been searching for an inner strength away from external influences for a long time now. I do not compete against anyone except myself. I never gave up anything nor am I attempting to blend into the average. Two people can drive in the family, and between them there are two cars. Yet at any one moment in time, only one car is used by only the same person. Sounds like an Economics question? Let me satisfy your fondness for theory then. This is not Pareto optimal and there is wastage of resources in my opinion. But you do nothing to rectify it. How dare you talk about Mathematical intuitions and materialism when you are the one who rob me of both? It makes me fly into a rage just thinking about it. And my wrath burns all the way to hell, slowly consuming me in the process. I’ve learnt that there can be no utility to be gained from cars when they are surrounded by the sinister underlying notions of unfairness and mistrust. I can have all the riches in the world and beauties to deflower, but I will still be a pauper living in abject poverty if I lose myself trying to achieve them. Yes, I can forgo all these luxuries if that is the price to pay for self-discovery. Moreover, I do not measure the worthiness of my friends with respect to their wealth, and I can only hope they think likewise. Sadly, these are some things you can never come to terms with.
posted by sUmmEr heAt at 5:28 AM
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