Semi-Soliloquy

Semi Soliloquy

Now as I sit by the pool, searching for the right mood to blog, I inevitably begin thinking. If only it was that easy. Give me another beer and it’ll all be smooth as can be. I mean, how difficult can it be to just ask the two girls out to the party at DXO this weekend? All it took was a simple introduction and an even simpler question.

‘Hello ladies, I was just wondering if you’ll be interested in going to a party this sat at DXO, where Embassy used to be. Oh yar, what’s your names? My name is dOminic.’

If they were Japanese, I could do it the text-book style by being polite in asking for their names first. That has already been taught.

‘Shitsurei desu ga, O namae wa?’ Watashi wa dOminiku desu. Dozo yoroshikku.’

If they happened to be some Chinese girls it would be even simpler.

‘嗨！我叫dOminic。不知道小姐们有没有兴趣参加一个Party?’

But the words just won’t come out. Technically, I believe I have lost all confidence to speak to women, let alone pick up two hot bikini clad girls to go for some party. Okay, maybe I just need another beer. But drinking isn’t going to help regain that confidence…it just ruins it by giving me a false sense of courage. That is about the last thing I need.

Let’s just take today’s sectional lecture for example. A decent looking girl (over the top makeup marred her above average features) sitting next to me asked me if I wanted to share her lecture notes since I haven’t printed mine. I was just as shocked as her when I said an indifferent ‘no’.

I asked myself for a justification to why I said ‘no’ after class. Probing a bit into the past, this scenario was way too familiar and I just had to pull the brakes to prevent myself from falling into the pitfall again.

‘You want to share with me not?’ a girl from last semester’s class asked me and it was the beginning of a nightmare. A nightmare that made me really angry.

But dOminic, every girl is unique and you are not exactly giving yourself a fair opportunity in the game of love and with the opposite sex if you confine yourself to those sub-standard ones you used to know. What pitfall can there be in the act of sharing lecture notes with a stranger?

Besides, I didn’t know a single person in that darn Labour Economics class. It wouldn’t hurt to get to know a few more friends and it would definitely be refreshing to find a few classmates to do the term project with. Yeah, I was given the chance today. But I just fucked it up big time. Goodness. I am appalled by how ghastly it’s been.

Okay dOminic, all you need to do is open yourself up and be more receptive of people around you. Smile, it isn’t as hard as you think it is.

Hmmm…but I’m so sick of my own past myself that I don’t even think about it anymore, why would anyone wish to know? Why should anyone wish to know? And it isn’t such a great deal anyway, opening up only means reliving the hideous memories which I’ve confronted long ago.

Smile? Why should I smile when there isn’t anything worth smiling about all the time? Why should I wear a smile to portray a friendlier image which is hardly me? Come on, I’m introvert personified, and I think there is no point being a hypocrite who smiles just for the sake of nothing.

The girls, thick makeup or bikini clad, are gone now. Heck, the former I’ll see in class again next week and the latter will probably be back when the sun shines with unrivalled radiance like today. And next time, I’ll be the one offering to share my notes with her. And next time, I’ll be asking them out for the faculty bash. If my intentions remain sincere, I probably wouldn’t need to be wearing a smile for fear of their rejection!

Or maybe I might just fare a little better with those young darlings from some all girls’ school.